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This review is also kind of an synopsis of the story for those that have not seen
Fall Out! The story is written by Corin Nemec, though Joe and Paul adapted it to a teleplay. It's
about time we had Jonas back for a bit!
Alright folks...
We start as a teaser with lovely Jonas Quinn stepping through the gate.
He tells the rest of SG-1 and Hammond that during the last seven months on Kelowna,
they have made a major, major discovery.
The Naquada on the planet isn't natural, it's been placed there by the Goa'uld
and that it's a time bomb for the planet.
It's travelling down veins in the crust and transforming into Naquadria under the pressure.
It will obliterate the planet when it explodes. Car
Cue the music, dah dah, dahdah dah dah dahhhhh... you get the picture and sound ;-)
Back on the planet, Sam works with Jonas on the processes that Jonas translated.
The Naquadria doesn't exist naturally in the universe, this is all developed by the Goa'uld.
The door opens and a much nicer version of Anise, ok so I am being nasty here, they finally
got the costumes right on the female guest stars, she doesn't have her costume sprayed on.
She is introduced by Jonas to Sam, he is a little...awkward. Kyanna, or Kianna, your guess at spelling
would be as good as mine! She has been helping Jonas with the translation and processes.
Meanwhile back at the ranch... sorry, the SGC... the Kelownan govenment representatives visit
and Hammond, Daniel, Jack and Teal'c attempt to help them understand the situation on their planet.
Two of the representatives do not believe the Kelownan representative (the now First Minister Draylock,
who was in the last Kelownan show) and the tentative relationship
they all have formed as a result of the attack from Anubis, is even shakier and not built
on trust at all, as they bicker constantly.
When I say constantly, I mean it...They are offered relocation to another planet in a limited
capacity, and they still don't believe that their part of the planet will be destroyed by the fall out.
Fall Out... see clever title... Ok...I digress. They have all decided to rename the planet Langera, as
a symbol of their unity. It was apparently an ancient dialect common to all people. The other two
representives have to have it drummed into them graphically by Daniel.
Sam is at a blackboard in Jonas' lab. The real question is how do her nails and fingers remain so
good after writing all day with that chalk, makes you want to cringe as if nails are draw across it!
Sorry... she basically ascertains, after her usual technobabble piece, that the real question they should be asking is why didn't the planet
blow up years ago, that they worked under the assumption that it occured thousands of years ago.
They have a shaky set... alright... they have an earthquake and Sam works out that it was caused
by the experiments and when they fired the Naquadria bomb into the ground two years ago.
The reaction has sped up and they are in trouble! And, get this drama fans... a
hundred thousand times bigger than their first estimations! Whoops! Brings a new meaning to
global warning! In we go to act two...
The knobby ambassadors from Langera still don't get it, they are offered the limited
evacuation to Madronas. They want to have their own planet, Endarians particularly want their own,
as she mouths off about the Turainian government's oppression of her people. The Turanian
ambassador defends his postition and shouts back...the Kelownan wisely keeps her mouth shut.
Anyone else think they should go and feed the ducks yet??? Jack jumps in with his usual diplomatic
style,
We're gettin' a lil bit off topic here dontcha think? and Daniel makes it clear
that three planets is not a practical option. Hmmm, reminds me of a school playground to me.
Anyone thinking of toys and prams here?
Jonas tells his First Minister that it's their own fault due to the Naquadria bomb testing.
He technobabbles in style, almost beating Sam on those stakes I might add, and explains how it happened.
You don't really want me to yabber on about the techy details do you?
Jack walks out on the meeting as they all bicker again, is it me or is it getting old?
Daniel explains to him this is how diplomacy works, that you have to be patient.
Jack's reply?
Well, I'm fresh out, to which Teal'c ACTUALLY agrees with him, well as much as you
can get Teal'c to agree or show emotion...As am I See? Man of few words, but in this case,
I will join them, I'd leave too. I think that these particular scenes almost had me yawning.
I'd apologise, but it really does get old, hearing people bicker all the time. So, let's just wander off with
Jack and Teal'c to eat cake or whatever else they got into the lift to do...least said the better you sick people!
Back on Langera, Sam figures out yet more stuff, that they need to get to a fault line and
somehow redirect or stop the flow of the reaction. They are going to use a small yield nuclear
bomb to shift the plates around the fault to cause it. Jonas figures out that to get there as quickly
as they can, he will need Tok'ra tunnel making crystals. Bright boy!
Jonas then shows Sam his new toy, its a manned excavator, journey to the centre of the earth,
eat your heart out! He explains that he couldn't have done it without Kyanna, that she modified stuff and ideas
that he came back from his time with Earth and shaved months of making it ready to go.
Sam's in a candy store again as he shows her around.
Shipper alert!! Kyanna pulls him aside asking him why he is letting Sam look around it and examine the technology.
She says that they don't need her, that they can do it themselves...
He explains that he trusts Sam and the others and they kiss... awww.
Ok we are back in the YAWN fest of the whingy, whining, idiots that haven't realised that they are
going to kind of, well definately die. Daniel keeps bringing them back to topic and actually agree that
they need to be able to use the crystals. They bickered about that too... whats next the price of fish?
The cost of sneezing? I digress... I think you get the picture that the bicker scenes are too much.
Get on with the story I say.
And here we go... Sam and Jonas talk about Kyanna, and she teases him a little, there is no
return to the Jonas you are such a chicken S*** scenes, but the sentiment is there. I think
Sam is a bit of a gossip really, she needles Jonas for interesting comments!
Alright, here is how the viewer finds out what we have already been thinking, how can Kyanna be so
cool, gorgeous and brainy without wearing the spray on costumes? Well, she's a snakehead folks, that's
right you heard me, a Goa'uld... she injects herself with a pretty good hypo that would make Fraiser
jealous, and masks her symbiotes presence. Ohhhh... so that's how she changed all the systems!
The real question we should be asking here sgfans, is just who is she working for???? think about that now...
We cut to Sam, who asks Jonas if he designed the Primary power distribution circuits, see I can talk
Carter technobabble too! She says that its a Goa'uld design and that she probably wouldn't have noticed it if
the efficiency wasn't working at 130%.
Whoops. Busted. Kyanna is captured after they found a Goa'uld communication device in her belongings.
She does her flashy eye thing and has those usual problems with the throat, talking! She was working for
Ba'al, he was interested after Anubis found the place so interesting. She is taken away after the usual
plea from the host, made by the snakeybutthead within. Jonas is gutted...
Thing is, maybe the SG guys should steer clear of gorgeous, skinny, blonde, brainy chicks,
they all either kill, maim, hurt or lie. When will they learn? On hindsight, there is hope
for all the normal gals out there yet.
Jonas and Sam perform simulated runs to the fault line, but Sam can't do the run on the controls that make
continuous adjustments to the drill speed and other bits.
Yes, something Sam can't do, so back to the SGC, where they determine that they will allow the Goa'uld
to help the team. Yes, they reluctantly agree...after the usual arguments of course. They also work out
that the Goa'uld has been helping, not hindering them.
Carter, Teal'c and Jonas accompany the Goa'uld on the mission, they are all armed. Carter takes
navigation, Teal'c the life support and shields... they launch.
You want proof
that she is really a Goa'uld? She called Teal'c Shol'va!. Yup, that's how to tell a Goa'uld
on Earth, slap a tatoo on your forehead and when you get called shol'va, you know you are right! Speaking
of Goa'uld's, Ba'al makes a phone call to Kyanna's device and it remains unanswered. Not good eh... High
drama at the SGC.
I digress...
They go to the fault, along the way there are the usual problems, one of which a magma flow that is
causing the hull to overheat. Jonas helps the Goa'uld as the coolant leaks. She and he get into a
brief spat about each other, she explains that she wants the mission to succeed. That she never
thought that she would find the company of humans so intriguing, Jonas is still upset. She explains
that she was already in Kyanna before she met Jonas and that she was the one...
We cut to the SGC where you see Daniel lose his cool. He does it away from the three stooges
that are embassadors and vents off to Jack, who says smugly that he thinks he can help Daniel out.
Needless to say you see the confused lamb look from Daniel... :)
The three stooges carry on and decide to go to war over it all again. Jack walks in on Daniel trying to
diffuse it again. Jack tells them that they like the Madronans that they are nice people and that
they don't want to subject the Madronans to the three stooges bicker. That takes the wind out of their
sails when they realise they are not going to be evacuated at all! Jack looks rather smug.
I say let them all blow themselves up! Just kidding, its a TV show peeps!
The molten rock they travlled through damaged the drill and buckled it, stopping their progress by about 1km. The Goa'uld says that she will
take the crystals and go down to the fault line, manually setting the device as she is the only one
that can sustain the body in the atmosphere.
It is determined that she wanted the planet for herself and not Ba'al. Anyway, she goes down,
gets all sweaty and breathless, sets the bomb and gives up. Jonas shouts at her to get back.
The reason why? Gremlins... no sorry wrong show, the generator is now failing and they won't have the
power to get back. They are not leaving her behind...
To cut the story short, she gets back, just in the nick of time, her body is dying,
the device goes off, the excavator gets back and the Naquadria is stopped from exploding.
It all ends happily ever after. Jonas and Daniel chat on the ramp about the Stargate and how much
he misses the travel, and Kyanna is saved by the Goa'uld. She died so that she may live, how nice.
They walk through the gate and live happily ever after.
Moral of the story?
Check for Gremlins before you travel!
Throw water on bickering Ambassadors or take their toys away before they throw them out of the pram!
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