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Ok, having been pestered to the nth degree by Sammy... here you go...
Due to popular demand... We look at the enigma that is the Jaffa Cake and investigate the eating of them in great detail. Just for you non Jaffa Cake eating colleagues!
So you say... why talk about Jaffa Cakes on an internet site devoted to Stargate?
Hey... its funny you know, Jaffa...cakes. Geddit?
I'll let you into a little thing that had alot of us at a convention really burst out with laughter...
Peter Williams, aka Apophis, was on stage and someone walked to the front, putting a pack of Jaffa cakes at his feet. Picking them up he declared them his new army of stealth Jaffa... infiltrating the households of England was their mission! Then he picked one out and ate it!
Ahh that bought a whole new way of serving their GOD!
And so lets delve into the life of the Jaffa Cake.
It exisited before Stargate, so, was Brad Wright inspired by a visit to England and a said Jaffa cake in naming the Jaffa?
Something I think that will still remain an enigma.
Would you really admit to naming a warrior band after something with an inner jelly orangey bit, nestled on a spongy base, covered in dark scrummy Chocolate?
Hmm...I bet you can make the right comparison... take Teal'c.
Teal'c... Tough Dark chocolate on the outside, soft and scrummy when he needs to be... Jaffa cake... Bratac...hmm... here's where our Jaffa Cake theory breaks down...or does it,?He is a tough old bird... hence the crunchy breaking of chocolate on the outside, with a deep caring for his people and his best student Teal'c, soft jelly orangey bit ... see...a Jaffa cake.
So what's all the fuss about?
Well, It's not just the name or what it's made of but with Jaffa cakes, it's the way you eat them that provides the entertainment...
Here is the top ways of consuming the cake of challenges... no it doesn't have a snake in there!
Oh by the way, there are two sizes of Jaffa cakes, normal, about 2 inches in diameter, and Mini Jaffa Cakes, which are about 1 inch in diameter.
We shall refer to them as Teal'c size for normal Jaffa Cakes and Rya'c size for Mini Jaffa Cakes, for this examination of the eating of Jaffa Cakes.
The Full Moon Method, best experienced with Teal'c... oh I mean with the Teal'c size!
Take a Teal'c...oops a Jaffa Cake, and hold it up to those that just HAVE to eat one and you wont let them, gloating wonderfully as you examine the round Jaffa cake with intense scrutiny... smiling wickedly, bite it in Half... causing a HALF MOON effect and hold it up gloating as you savour the mixture of the sponge, the chocolate and the orangey bit... the sound effect... mmmmmmmmm, works well here as your friends salivate and are jealous. Then pop the remaining half into your mouth and run as you go mmmmm mmmmm mmmmm because your mates will mug you for them. There is no love lost in a Jaffa cake gloating session.
The Nibbler, Sucker and Lasting Method, also best experienced with Teal'c size.
Grab Teal'c, he is not getting away now! This is how to eat a Jaffa cake when you want to savour it and there is no one around to see you look a fool.
Take it between your finger and thumb, chocolate on top, sponge on the bottom and nibble around the raised Jaffa Orangey bit that is covered in chocolate. You get a bit of sponge and chocolate with each nibble. Turn the Jaffa cake over and with your teeth, gently remove the spongy bit off and gobble it down in one go... just the sponge, no cheating the jaffa bit will still be there! Patience! Once the last reminants of the Sponge has gone from your mouth you can now suck off the chocolate on the orangey bit, leaving you with messy fingers that you can lick off at the end... Finally pop that orangey bit in your mouth and suck it to oblivion. Finish with a quick lick of the fingers that are covered with chocolate and contemplate eating another!
The Ultimate Savour Method, only experienced by Rya'c size, unless you are a pig, then you can use Teal'c size.
Grab a Rya'c or two, bung them in your mouth and suck it in your mouth, letting your tongue separate the layers! Chew with reckless abandonment or simply savour the myriad of flavours across your tastebuds.
So we have examined some of the eating habits of the Jaffa Cake eater...
I bet you can't wait to get your hands on them! Too bad! This is the one British institution we should have kept our mouths shut over! But sadly... we are too nice to our international friends... Get those Jaffa Cakes and play the Stargate Game:
Jack says:For Crying out loud.... Half moon a Teal'c or Full Moon a Rya'c
Yeah, sure, ya betch....Half moon a Teal'c or Full Moon a Rya'c
Do'h....The Nibbler method of a Teal'c
Bite me....Players own reward... several Rya'cs or Teal'cs
Sam says: Jack....Players own reward... several Rya'cs or Teal'cs
Sir....Half moon Teal'c or Full moon Ry'ac
Hey do I need to go on??? Make it up yourselves!
Bought to you by the ~oma~.
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